Like a pendulum, often parenting swings from authoritarian to permissive as one generation reacts to the extremes of the previous generation. Too often, it is because we have our eyes (and therefore our minds, our hearts, our goals) on the wrong motivation.
When a parent is overly strict, their child often grows up determined not to "be like" their parent and so everything they do is motivated by their parent's decisions. So, too, with permissive parents. A child may rebel against his or her parent's indulgence and become overly strict and controlling.
Interestingly, we see that played out again and again in Scripture. Read I and II Kings.
Aghast at their own parents' failings, young parents determine to do better and strike out to do the exact opposite their own parent did with them. But, in so doing, they lose perspective and fail to see the big picture.
What is the big picture?
The big picture is to rear responsible, honest, kind adults.
Every parent will fail at something. It's human nature. We are not perfect, regardless of our desire and attempts to be. What we need to recognize is that there is One who was perfect, who was the perfect parent and whose children still made bad choices.
As parents, being humble, being transparent and admitting our own failings helps our children to acknowledge and repent of their own.
God created Adam and Eve. There was no peer pressure, no movies, no TV, no evil culture to corrupt them. Yet, their first child killed their second. What happened?
It's the sin nature that lives in each of us that tempts us to make poor choices. And, as the old Indian story warns us, it's what we feed that will triumph. So, will we feed the flesh, the sin nature, the selfish desires? Or, will we feed the spirit of God and feed on His Word denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, behaving unselfishly, lovingly, patiently, forgiving one another?
Mike Taylor, (1952-2009) director of publications of "Grace to You," wrote:
"Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, was followed in reign by his son, Rehoboam who rejected the advice of his father's counselors, choosing instead the advice of his peers and then ... his folly resulted in the kingdom splitting.
"Abija (bad) followed by Asa (good) followed by Jehoshaphat (good) followed by Jehoram (bad) by Ahaziah (bad) by Athaliah (bad) by Joash (good) by Amaziah (good) by Uzziah (good) by Jothan (good) by Ahaz (bad) by Hezekiah (good) by Manasseh (bad) by Amon (bad) ** by Josiah (good) by Jehoahaz (bad) by Jehoiakim (bad, by Jehoiachin (bad, by Zedekiah (bad) by ..."
"A final thought. How is it that so many of Judah's good kings failed to raise their sons such that they too were good kings? Jehoshaphat, Jotham, Hezekiah and Josiah all failed in this way."
Parents mold young lives who grow up to be tomorrow's leaders, business men and women, teachers, parents. Even neglectful parents mold lives by their very neglect. Make a choice today to instill good character qualities in yourself and in your children. Start small and grow daily with your children helping to make the community, the world better.
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Editor's note: Annette Beard, managing editor of The Times of Northeast Benton County. She can be reached at [email protected].
Editorial on 08/17/2016