Pea Ridge High School graduation is Saturday. More than 120 students will walk across the stage to receive their diplomas.
And, 140 children are graduating from Pea Ridge Primary School kindergarten next week.
More than 200 parents are facing dramatic change in their families, their homes, their lives.
Graduation is a time of change, for parents as well as for the students.
Despite many students thinking of graduation as an "end," it's really more of a beginning, a commencement to something larger, something more. It's their passage into the world of adulthood -- to jobs, to further education, to responsibility as well as privilege.
Each stage of graduation brings greater privileges and more responsibilities.
"They should know how they shouldn't try to grow up so fast," said one 20-year-old young man. "It's not all fun and dandy. But, they should pursue their dreams and further their education."
Much has been written this past decade about "helicopter parents" -- parents who hover over their grown offspring protecting, guiding, bossing their adult children. Ultimately, over-protective parents smother and handicap their children preventing them from developing into the mature adults they were designed to be.
Eleven years ago, I drove more than 100 miles to take my eldest two daughters to college. We had educated them at home and I'd never left them anywhere for any length of time. I'd gone along to church camp and run the nursery for the children of other camp counselors. I'd dedicated my life to training, teaching, guiding them and that was about to change.
After dropping the girls off at college, I drove back alone, crying. I'm not sure why I cried, maybe because of the change. I knew life at home would never be the same. I wasn't truly sad that they were grown up, that was the ultimate goal of parenting, but I guess I wasn't truly prepared for the next stage.
For some time, it was hard to adjust to the change, to cooking for fewer people, to going on family outings without those two daughters. And then, one married and six months later, another was married. That was even more of a letting go because I determined to not "parent" married daughters. (Oh, I've thought words of counsel, but I've bitten my tongue and reminded myself that unsolicited advice is criticism.)
And, as the years went by, there were more and more changes. The younger children were enrolled in public school. I went to work full time. And, one by one, they grew up and graduated -- from kindergarten, high school, college, our home. They blossomed into beautiful, mature, responsible young ladies, wives, mothers, employees.
My first son (seventh child) graduated from Army basic training and infantry training and returned to college. Each of my three sons is taller than I am and each has a different personality from me and from one another. They, too, are growing up and becoming men.
Sometimes it's hard to let go, but it's essential.
When a baby is born, the parent bears the total responsibility for feeding, protecting, caring for that child. With each passing year, that responsibility changes and the parents have to change their tactics. If a kindergarten child is parented as an infant is, or a teen is parented as an elementary-aged child is, then that child is handicapped and will not develop properly.
So, too, when a child becomes an adult, they need to be allowed to be an adult. They will make mistakes. Sometimes parents have to sit back, maybe "sit on their hands" to prevent themselves from interfering. It hurts to watch our children hurt or suffer, but some of the best lessons come from failure.
Mothering doesn't really end. It changes.
Thankfully, God has granted me the privilege of grandparenting, too. I'm grateful to have daughters who allow me to be involved in their children's lives, yet, I'm very aware that they are the parents. I do not defy their rules and try to defer to them in matters of discipline. Although I fail (as do all humans), I try not to boss or criticize or offer unsolicited advice (not too much, anyway). I do offer to keep or care for the children often and even accompany the girls on doctor's visits when necessary because I remember all too well the frustration of trying to parent four children 4 years of age and younger without assistance. But, I also remind myself that ultimately it's their job and they are growing in character and being molded as they parent.
"Parenting is for the sanctification of the parents. The children can get sanctified when they become parents," Debby Beisner, mother of eight, once said.
So, parents, let go. Stay close, love them, guide them when they ask, encourage them, listen to them and pray for them. But, don't smother them or prevent their growing into responsible adults.
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Editor's note: Annette Beard is the managing editor of The Times of Northeast Benton County, chosen the best small weekly newspaper in Arkansas for five of the past six years. A native of Louisiana, she moved to northwest Arkansas in 1980 to work for the Benton County Daily Record. She has nine children (six daughters and three sons), four sons-in-law, six grandsons, two granddaughters and another grandson due this summer. She can be reached at [email protected].
Editorial on 05/13/2015