Forgiving others is good for you

Is there anyone you hate? Anyone you just can't forgive?

It's interesting that I read through police reports and the accounts of what people do to other people, many times there are disturbances, disputes, assaults or harassment based on someone trying to get back at someone for hurting them.

That's "normal."

Just this week I read of a woman who professes that she will "always" do something mean to a man who reportedly abused her in the past. So, whereas he was the law-breaker in the past, now she is guilty of breaking the law. She is imprisoned in her hatred and bitterness.

When a child pulls a cat's tail, the cat will scratch or bite in self-defense.

An injured animal is dangerous and will often attack someone attempting to help it.

People aren't much different. We tend to respond with anger or vengeance when hurt.

There's an old saying: "Hurt people hurt other people."

Have you ever hurt someone? Have you ever needed, deserved or received forgiveness?

When the waitress or cashier at a restaurant or store is rude to you, consider for a minute that they may be hurting -- either physically, spiritually or emotionally. We have no idea what is going on in their life.

That may be a relatively slight offense to overlook since there is no value attached by you to a stranger. But what about when it's from someone whose life is connected to yours? What about when a loved one, a friend, a family member, a co-worker hurts you? What do you do?

Usually we respond with anger. Sometimes we attempt to "get even."

But, there's a better way. We can forgive.

What if they don't acknowledge they've done wrong? What if they don't ask for forgiveness?

We can't control another person; we can only control ourselves. We have that responsibility.

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and realize that prisoner was you," wrote Lewis B. Smedes, Christian author, ethicist and theologian.

What is forgiveness?

Dr. Archibald Hart, dean emeritus and senior professor of psychology at Fuller Theological Seminar as well as author of 33 books, defined forgiveness as "surrendering my right to hurt you for hurting me."

Think about that -- forgiveness is surrendering my right to hurt you for hurting me.

The Grief Recovery Institute offers a great definition for forgiveness. They define forgiveness as: "Giving up the hope of a different or better yesterday."

There are middle-aged people still stuck in the pain of their past. They were abused and they become abusers or bitter.

We cannot change the past. We cannot fix other people. But, we can change our present and future by changing ourselves. We can learn from our pain and move forward, committing to not hurt others as we ourselves have been hurt.

Scripture has much to say about revenge.

Consider:

• "If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. 19Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, i will repay," says the lord. 20"but if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head." Romans 12:18-19

• "'Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD." Leviticus 19:18

• "It is mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near and their doom rushes upon them." Deuteronomy 32:35

• "Do not say, "I'll pay you back for this wrong!" Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you." Proverbs 20:22

• "Do not say, "I'll do to them as they have done to me; I'll pay them back for what they did." Proverbs 24:29

• "Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone." Romans 12:17

I can almost hear God saying what my mother used to say, "If I've told you once, I've told you a dozen times ...."

Maybe we should listen the first time.

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Editor's note: Annette Beard is the managing editor of The Times of Northeast Benton County.

Editorial on 06/18/2014