My mom was always doing things for others. After I married and had my own family, every time we'd go to her house she'd send home something with me, usually food, often cinnamon rolls. How she loved to cook for her family!
I guess, having 12 kids, giving came naturally to her. She was usually the first to visit a sick neighbor, taking food, or doing something to help out. Maybe her example caused me to feel more comfortable giving than receiving.
It's always been hard to ask for help. When my pastor came to see me before my cancer surgery, I lamented the fact that others were doing so much for me. He just wisely said, "It's hard for a giver to be a receiver." Yeah!
Probably the hardest part of having cancer -- and there've been lots of hard -- has been asking for help. I've been so weak, I haven't had any choice.
My son left for California (before I found out about the cancer) to spend the summer with friends. He'll be back this fall. So, the burden of caring for me has fallen on my daughter, Teresa, and son-in-law, Gary. They've been wonderful.
The gift of giving has been passed down to Teresa. The way she copes with it all is by doing. She takes me places. She cleans my bathroom. She's always bringing me food. I let her. I asked my granddaughter Morgan to take me shopping for a wig.
The chemo treatments go on. My first week wasn't good. I'm so tired. They tell me I need to eat 2,000 calories a day, and lots of protein. Ugh. Food doesn't taste too good. So Teresa cooks and shops, trying to get me to eat -- me, who all my life was always on a diet, trying to lose 10 pounds.
I ask others for help to take me to chemo treatments. A couple of ladies from church even came and did my nails and brought me lunch and ate with me. I asked my 84-year-old brother to come over from Claremore and paint my living room and redo my bathroom. I let Gary help. They worked so hard for me. Sis Gay came down from Independence for a couple of days to put up pictures and redecorated the newly finished rooms. Now, I just enjoy the new look.
I remember all those times in the past I'd show up at the front door of a sick lady and say, "I've come to clean your house." I didn't do casseroles and desserts, but I could change sheets and vacuum and mop, even iron sometimes. The recovering women always appreciated the order I brought to their house. Maybe it's payback time -- not from those women I helped, but others help me now. So, maybe when they need someone, there will be friendly arms to help them.
Many ask how they can help, but it's hard for me to know what I need. So, I really appreciate those who just do something, like the neighbor who brought food, or her husband who mows my lawn. Another neighbor brought me fish he'd cleaned from his fishing trip. Many pick up the phone and call, just to see how I'm doing. I appreciate when they call on my cell phone, as I carry it with me now.
Next time I'll cover the lovely topic of losing hair. Ish!
•••
Editor's note: Marie Wiggin Putman lives in Little Flock. A native of Benton County, she writes a monthly column for the Westside Eagle Observer. She is a member of the Pea Ridge Historical Society.
Editorial on 08/06/2014