Out of My Mind: Choose your words with care

— Is it true?

Is it kind?

Is it necessary?

These are three gates through which every word should pass before leaving your mouth.

Jack Beisner, former publisher of this newspaper, used to say that reporters and editors should be aware of the result of their stories. In other words, what will happen as a result?

I remember hearing the adage “Don’t shoot the messenger” when I was younger. Thanks to a mother who was a teacher and cared about our education and encouraged reading, I was exposed to great thinkers. But, I don’t think I truly appreciated the meaning of that adage until the last few years.

When a news article reveals an arrest or negative situation about someone,too often that person gets angry at the newspaper.

Once, the supervisor of a public employee came to me asking that information about that person’s violation of both state law and their own entities’ policy not be printed. It was said that the information being printed could be detrimental to that person’s livelihood.

I asked: “What is detrimental? The fact that she did it? That she got caught? Or that it gets printed?”

There was no answer.

Sadly, we care more about perception than reality.

In the last few years, I’ve heard well educated,professional people say: Perception is reality.

Really?

That’s sad.

That belief aids and abets hypocrisy. It matters not what you are, but what you manifest to others.

More than two centuries ago, Jesus confronted the most moral appearing, clean, legally upright people, the Pharisees, and called them “whitewashed sepulchers.” Now, that may mean nothing to today’s readers. But, imagine going up to a well-dressed, clean cut preacher or Bible professor and telling him that he may appear clean, but is full of filth.

This generation refers to the hundreds of contacts on Facebook as “friends.” But, how many of those people will be there months upon end holding your hand when you’re struggling with a death, aterminal illness, poverty?

A true friend knows you, inside out, and doesn’t just believe the superficial.

When people pass, many say: “Hello, how are you?” but few truly want to hear the response. Many simply answer “fine” realizing that telling more is futile.

I remember when going through a great trial, I used to answer: “Do you want the truth or the polite answer?”

Be real. Be kind. Words have power.

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Editor’s note: Annette Beard is the managing editor of The Times of Northeast Benton County. A native of Louisiana, she moved to this area in 1980. She has nine children, three sonsin-law, two grandsons, a granddaughter and another grandson due in April. She can be reached at abeard@ nwaonline.com.

Opinion, Pages 4 on 03/21/2012