ARKANSAS — Hello, my name is Brandon Lacy. I was an alcoholic. I have been sober for two years and two months, now, not by choice at first.
I have been here on death row in Arkansas for six months now, and have spent almost two years in a county jail awaiting trial.
Here, I have a choice. I could drink or get high if I wanted, but my own experience keeps me sober.
I can’t go into detail about my case because I am going through my appeals and trying to save my life from something I did not do.
The sad thing is I don’t even remember my last two weeks as a free man.
I was a black-out drunk. I used to drink to have fun, but that all changed somewhere down the line. I have been to rehab two times and the last time stayed sober for five months until two weeks before I was arrested. I used to have a lot of good things going for me. I had a good-paying job, owned my own cars, nice cars, too! Had my own house and land - three great children!
I am 30 years old now and spend my days in an 11- by 8-foot cell. They allow me out of my cell two times a month. Even then I am in cuffs and shackles. I cannot be around anyone! I am notin any way a violent person, but once you get here they don’t want anyone on the outside to see that part of you. When it comes time to execute someone ondeath row, you will only be known for what you have been convicted of. But I am going to change that for myself.
I am charged for something I could not have done, but I was told by the person who did the crime that I did it. So, being the honest person I am, I told the police I did the crime.
I was in a blackout when I told them! Well, in Arkansas, when you make a statement to the police, even when you are drunk, it can be held against you.
I can’t say anymore than that. I am sure people think “oh, that can never happen to me,” but I am here to say PLEASE THINK AGAIN!
I was an alcoholic for 20 years, and I got my first and second DWI in the last two years of that time. I got them both within a month of each other. I drank to get away from the worldand my problems. I would drink a 30-pack of beer and a pint of 100-proof peppermint schnapps in about a 12-hour period, almost every day for the last few months before my second rehab. I checked myself in the second time because I was spending all my money on alcohol. I knew I needed help. So I stayed sober for five months. But, see, withme, I didn’t plan when I was going to drink.
Most of the time I woke up the next day from sleeping outside or in a car or somewhere I had never been or seen before. The one thing I have learned about my drinking problem is my drinking was not the problem - I was the problem. And in order to fix the drinking problem, I had to fix my problem. I had to find a way to deal with my problems.
I was my own enemy, and it is true what they say: “fake it ’till you make it.” Don’t give up.
I pray that you will not end up where I am. Trust me when I say I am a good person with a big heart. I never even had a felony before and have never been in any real trouble. Please don’t trust in the justice system - it is not always fair. And they do executeinnocent people. Please don’t let it be you. This could happen to anyone, and when you are a blackout drunk, not too many people listen to you, unless it is what they want to hear.
So, I ask all of you to please, next time you think about drinking or using, think what it would be like to wake up every day on death row, and ask yourself, “Is it worth the chance?” If you let go and let God, you will find that life is a great place. You don’t want to find out how great life is from in here.
My boy is 7 years old. Hestarted Pee-Wee football.
I’ve got a picture of him in his jersey by my bed. I will not see him play. That is a father’s dream! And I am missing it!
I do have appeals, and I will be free again, but it could take 18 years for that. I can never get that time back, and I have no one to blame but myself for drinking and not staying sober. I would not be here if I would have stayed sober. I am going to do anything I can from inside these walls to help those who suffer. I wish I could be standing there in front of you, but I can’t.
I do hope my story will help someone. If you would give your will to God, He will help. I pray only the best for those who suffer and I pray no one will end up here where I am. May God be with you and your family.
Editor’s note: This column was written by Brandon Lacy, now serving time on death row at the Arkansas State Prison. He asked that we publish this letter that others may learn from his mistakes.
On May 13, 2009, Lacy became the first person in 17 years to be sentenced to death in Benton County, A jury found Lacy guilty of capital murder and aggravated robbery, then sentenced him to death for the August 2007 death of Randall Walker, whose burned body was found in the bedroom of his Beaver Hollow Road home.
Opinion, Pages 4 on 02/10/2010